Selfish Desires

I dont like being selfish. In fact, I hate it. Selfishness makes me feel like I'm one of the ugliest human beings ever.

However, it is in human nature to be selfish. It's how u keep it in check. Everybody doesnt want to be called a selfish bugger/buggeress.

There are times when it calls for selfishness. Like the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.

And yeah, if it calls for it, I'm going to unleash my selfish demons. I DONT GIVE A FUCK.

Complications

This post, I dedicate to a very very very close friend of mine, whose blog i read a few minutes ago.

The past 21 years that I have existed on Earth, I have never known what LOVE was. Most of the time, it was just pure infatuation. The typical high school crush, the normal "Ohhh he's sooo cute!!" kind of thing.

And then 2010 came. I got into an official relationship. Dont get me wrong. I'm thankful everyday for my boyfriend. He's one of the most amazing people I have ever known... The past 4/5 months have been a crazy ride... I should say it's more on a mid level kind of crazy. We have our awesome high times... But sometimes, we hit rock bottom. and that's when a relationship gets complicated. Ours is no different. We have had quarrels, fights, not so much. A lot of misunderstandings. A lot of EGO. It scares me sometimes.. seriously.

Sometimes, I hate him for being who he is.... But most times, I swoon over the fact that he loves me for who I am. He accepts me for who I am. I could never ask for anyone else... That's how much I am in love with him. I am not ashamed to say it here.

Being in love.... it's indescribable. You laugh, you smile, you cry, you get mad, you get crazy... Love is all that-an emotional rollercoaster. I might not be experienced like some of our friends. But I know how it feels like. and u would feel it too... :) so dont worry abt forgetting how its like to be in love... u'll know.. it'll just happen. :)


and as for you babyboy, i love u!

Quitter

I'm a quitter.

Bang. Bang.

One down, and maybe more to come.


Thank you, love.

Nope.

No, he doesnt have to know.


This pain, only He knows.

Sad.

How it hurts me to know.

How it hurts me, you will never know.

I just knew someday it will happen.

I never bothered to give a 2nd glance.


This love I have for you, is all I have. Nothing more.

To my girls, please dont hate him. I just need u to be behind me. I believe in Allah SWT.





For now, I'm sweeping everything away. I forgive you. But I wont forget.


I love u.

Ragu-Ragu

Sebelum ini kau yang ragu padaku

Sekarang giliran aku ragu padamu.

Mungkin kerana peristiwa tempoh hari membuat aku rasa begini.

Tapi,wajarkah?

Sedangkan aku tahu kita saling menyayangi?

Sedangkan aku tahu kau tidak mahu kehilangan aku.

Aku bingung. Kadang kala, dunia aku rasa berputar apabila kau berada di sisi.

Dan kadangkala, aku rasa bagaikan gelap.

Mungkin aku belum lagi bisa melupakan. Aku mahu ia jadi sejarah.

Mudah mudahan, Tuhan membantu aku dalam bulan mulia ini.


Aku sayangkan kau sepenuh hati. Lebih dari aku menyayangi diri aku sendiri. <3

Ramadhan

Happy fasting to all my Muslim peeps! :)



Anyways, i do pray that this year's will be a meaningful one. :) I have a feeling He is going to test me (other than others) like never before. Insya Allah, i will have the strength to fight!!


I love you. :)

Double Fs

Friends=FUN!

Awesome day yesterday evening with the MOB. hahaha.. everyone came in black tops wld u believe it? We had MFM for dinner, filled our tummies till our esophagus got choked. After that, i got a bit pissed cos we couldnt find a right spot to chillax like we always do.. lots of roads and walkways were closed cos of YOG and NDP and God-knows-what else!!

So after doing lots of turns here and there, we chilled at Esplanade, and Clarke Quay. Photos, photos, as per normal. And then home. :D

I could never ask for anything else.. friends.. i love u guys so much!! See u guys again soon ok!! for break of fast! :D Insya Allah!


Anyways, today, i stayed home.. (good girl mah!).. cleaned up my room... :D lots of dust siakz. haha.. i got a headache deciding how to store my sneakers. hahaha.. and then i got my hair cut. i HATE my fringe. mcm budak bodoh seyyy!! hahahha.. my boyfie's so gonna kill me. :P


Tmr, is National Day! HAPPY 45th Birthday SIngapore!!!! :D PLans with the boy. Picnic at Sentosa and then maybe movie.. and then maybe chillout somewhere to catch fireworks. hehehehe.. i miss u aahhhh!!





HAPPY RED & WHITE DAY PPL!!!! Muacks!

Being Lovey Dovey.

Love is all about being happy most times. Especially when it comes to eating. HAHAHA.

And LOVE is all about being there for each other when needed. Cos it takes 2 hands to clap.

To those of you who cannot stand mushy stuff, kindly leave this blog. If you can still take it, thank you very much. Because tonight, I'm feeling all mushy and lovey dovey. :P

No words can describe how much I love you sayang. Only He knows how much I love u. :D

SZSRN, DONT KILL ME. MUAHAHAHAAH!

Stupidity.

The past 2 nights have been a hell ride.


Last night, I found out something which made me numb. I didnt know what or how to feel. I decided to take matters up another step. but that one phone call prolly rescued me. It's weird now.. maybe it will take time. the pain that was caused is still here. but i know it will ease. i apologise to those whom i've wronged emotionally. but still, Death is inevitable.

anyways... maybe this is a lesson, a test from God to see how strong I am, to see how strong we are to face it. i blame u, i blame her. i blame myself. i blame myself for not being caring enuf. i blame u for having put urself in a vulnerable situation. i blame her for being an opportunist in a negative way. i dont know what really happened, let God see it in His eyes. i dont want to know. All i want is to put this behind us. To err is human as they say. And to forgive is prolly one of the greatest strengths a human has. I have never loved someone so much.

I love u babyboy.


And to my friends, you know who you are. I'm sorry for making u cry, sorry for making u worry. i love u a lot. more than i love myself.





I just wanna be loved. Nothing more.

:(

U ask me what kind of a boyfriend you are- making me cry all the time.

Now I ask you, what kind of a boyfriend are you- hurting my feelings the way you are now?




I'm insignificant to you.... I'm asking you now, what is there in your declarations of emotions?


Please God, help me.